Sabayon-unbelievably bad

In my quest to get a new OS up and running on my Compaq CQ60-210US laptop, I decided to give Sabayon Linux a shot. The LiveDVD worked flawlessly. Installed the OS without incident. Upon reboot, I got a screen stating that something did not install (or was configured) correctly. WTF? Didn't this all get figured out when the LiveDVD booted up? Didn't the configuration get saved to the hard disk upon install? The closest I could get was to a command prompt. Again, if this were a project where people were paid to do it, there would be some firing going on. On to Linux Mint 13 KDE edition.

Don't Slow Down!

Driving Courtesy

I am someone who people accuse of driving like an old man. Maybe so—I don’t know.

I do know that I like to drive at the speed limit. Once I have arrived at the speed limit, I set my cruise control and just sit back and enjoy.

One think that I have noticed around Fort Smith, that I find very irritating, is the habit of drivers, once they are in the vicinity of 1,000 to 1,500 feet of their exit ramp, to slow down. This is uncalled for. That is why they make exit ramps—to give one a place to slow down before they reach their destination that does not impede traffic. Big notation here: IMPEDE TRAFFIC.
On I-540 around Fort Smith, the speed limit is 65 mph. I set my cruise control at this speed, and courteously drive in the right-hand lane (as one is supposed to drive) except when I am passing, or giving room for an emergency vehicle, or someone stranded on the side of the road. I was on 540, behind someone who was getting off at the same exit that I was getting off at (Grand Avenue). Just as they passed the on-ramps from Kelly Highway, I noticed them starting to slow down. There was quite a bit of passing traffic, so I just opted to disengage my cruise control and follow behind them—bad move on my part. By the time that we reached the off-ramp for Grand Avenue, we were doing 45 mph! I usually don’t suffer from road rage, but this made me angry. Why was it necessary to start slowing down 1 mile before the exit, and to slow to 20 mph below the speed limit before tires touched the off-ramp?

This is a true, and somewhat extreme example. Most of the time it is within the one thousand to fifteen hundred feet area that the slowdown occurs.

I usually get off of 540 at SR 59, which is just across the Arkansas River Bridge in Crawford county. Invariably traffic will begin to slow down on the bridge as someone is slowing down in anticipation of the exit that is just off of the bridge. The exit ramp is long enough to safely slow down in time to meet that stop sign near Industrial Park Blvd. but most drivers do not think that this is enough and slow about mid-way across the bridge.

Stop doing this! Slow down once your tires hit the asphalt of the exit ramp, not before. There is no need to do so sooner. If you are worried about your brakes, go down and get them checked. That is what they are made for. Do not start slowing down while you are on the Interstate. This causes unsafe driving conditions and can cause accidents.

Thank you.

PCBSD—Not Ready for Primetime

Even before installing PCBSD, I have thoughts on it. What is up with the slow mirrors?

I tried downloading the new 9.1 Beta and stopped it, thinking that the mirrors must be overloaded due to the horrendous download speeds I was getting.

I tried three and the speed was abysmal. I cannot say exactly what the kbps rate was because I was trying to download it through Chrome, and in the annoying bottom bar, it does not give what the speed is of the files coming across. But after 1/2 hour and the download was at 0.1 % of 3.4 GB, I stopped it.

So I tried bittorrent. I started the download and went to bed. When I got up in the morning, the download was done and I burned it to DVD, just to find out that the file had been corrupted (no, I did not do a hash on it). Fortunately I burned it onto a DVD-RW disc, so I did not make a coaster.

Now I am downloading it with DownLoadThemAll through Firefox.  The download has been running for over 2.5 hours and it tells me that average throughput is about 93 kbps. Come on! That is dialup speed x2! I don’t pay for 20 Mbps from Cox just to download files at twice dialup speeds.

To the folks at PCBSD--get or recruit faster mirrors. Or invest a few bucks in a hosting service such as 1 & 1 that gives unlimited bandwidth for a low monthly fee.

I try to be patient, but 93 kbps is unreasonably slow. These mirrors, that are so slow, are actually an impedance to adoption of PCBSD, rather than a help.

Première partie

Later that same day:

PCBSD finally completed downloading. After successfully completing the hash test on Windows 7 (the program that does this very nicely on Windows 7 is called File Checksum Integrity Verifier (fciv.exe) I was off.

Upon boot-up, I was asked the normal questions. Installation was a breeze. After installation came the mandatory reboot.

The KDE desktop looked very nice--exactly what I expected. I configured it to work with my wireless network with little problems. It did take two tries before it connected to my network via WPA2 encryption. Why there was a delay, I do not know. But it finally got its IP address from the router and all was well.

The first thing that I noticed is that when trying to launch vital KDE applications, KPatience and KMahjongg, the windows would not display. The Window frame would show KPatience or KMahjongg at the top, but inside, the windows were blank.

After a few moments, there was a system notification stating that there were updates ready to install. One of those updates was for KDE—something about memory access.

After all of the updates were installed, the display problem with KDE went away.

This is unacceptable. 9.0 should never have been released with such a problem built-in. To be honest, this turned me off. If there was a known issue in KDE in regards to how it interacts with PCBSD, then why not fix the problem and make THAT fix the 9.0 release?

Though I know that PCBSD is a volunteer-based project, one needs to consider the people who are downloading and using it as being customers. One always wants to make the customer experience as enjoyable as possible. If my laptop had not been connected to a network upon startup, this “issue” would have been a deal-breaker for most people, except for perhaps the most masochistic of geeks.

Then I tried to fire up Ardour. It said it could not find JACK and would not go further. I don’t know JACK (pun intended). Should this have not been set up when PCBSD ran from the DVD? Or if not at that time, upon first boot-up into the operating system? To be fair, I do not know if this is a problem with PCBSD, or with Ardour. But I know that the first time I ran Adobe Soundbooth on my other laptop, it never complained about not knowing JACK or being able to use my laptop’s resources.

Deuxième Partie

I decided that this might not be a fair review of PCBSD, since obviously many changes have gone into the 9.1 Beta release. So I decided to just wipe my laptop to the new version and start my odyssey there.

Installing 9.1 Beta was much the same as installing 9.0. It asked similar questions and seemed to go well. This time it asked me what desktop I would like to use. My Compaq is no piker, but I like a snappy desktop. I find that KDE & Gnome just have this extremely bloated feeling to it. IMO, on the same hardware, Windows 7 is much more responsive that KDE is. It is a shame--I used to love KDE. But I digress.

I choose Xfce for my Window manager--light, quick, perfect. It installed without problem.

Upon the reboot, while the desktop was loading, the machine locked up and went into some sort of loop. See video for details.

The mouse was responsive, and if Ctrl+Alt+F2 were pressed, it would take me out to the command prompt. This tells me that the underlying operating system was okay, it was just Xfce freaking out in some way.

But though the underlying OS was fine, this is still PCBSD’s fault. Before a product is released into beta-land, those types of kinks need to be worked out.

It is unacceptable to release in beta an OS that has an included Windows Manager where the two do not work together--in an alpha release, perhaps. Give the geeks something to work on.

I realize that this damages my geek cred, but that is okay. I am 49 years-old. I remember playing with Linux back in 1996, trying to figure out how to get it to see the floppy disk that I just put into the computer. That was a challenge, then.

Now, I just want the tech to work. I cannot be bothered with interrupts, dependency hells, DLL hells, and the like. Perhaps PCBSD is too young to have such high hopes for it. To be honest, most Linuxes are not there yet either.

Fini

And so, alas, for the time being, my PCBSD test is over even before it has begun. For right now, I will be heading back to Linux, trying out Sabayon Linux.

Just an observation

Why is it in this connected age are people more rude than in years past? There have been times I have emailed people, sent them private messages on Facebook, texted them, just to be ignored. I think it may be because there is no accountability in the communication. In years passed, if you said “hi” to someone face-to-face and they snubbed you, there was accountability there. Of if you called up someone on the phone, they answered, you said “hello” and they hung up on you, there was really no getting around not knowing how they felt about you. But in this digital age, a brief “hello” or such is just so much more noise in the cacophony of our lives. I’ve been guilty of it too. But I’m trying to change. When Jesus prayed for us, he prayed not that we might gain more information about each other and everything else, but that we might love one another. Let us all try to be guilty of loving more today than we did yesterday. At our ends, what do we take with us into eternity? Our relationship with God and our relationships with those we have loved. There are no iPads in heaven. Steve Jobs left his behind just like the rest of us.

Old Cellphone? Recycle It!

All of us have them—cell phones sitting in a drawer, slowly dying from disuse. At one time they served their purpose, but they are now just junk that is cluttering up the place. Maybe we switched carriers, and our “old faithful” would not work on the new carrier’s network? Or maybe we upgraded to a “smartphone” and no longer have a need for that old “candy bar” phone? But is there still some value in that old clunker? I'm glad I asked! Yes there is!

Use it as an emergency phone

All cell phones, regardless of carrier, are required to allow calls to 9-1-1. Just make sure your old friend is charged. Throw it in the glove box of your car, or in a drawer. If something unfortunate ever happens, you will have an emergency communication device at hand. Many of us drive with our cell phones out on the seat of the car for various reasons. Slam the breaks on suddenly and watch your precious smartphone go flying. Where would it go in the case of an accident? Knowing you have an emergency phone in the glove compartment can give you extra peace of mind.

 

Use it for the programs (applications) it contains

Backup alarm

I have an old cellphone in my bedroom as a backup alarm clock. In case the power goes out, for whatever reason, it will not affect my cellphone. If the main alarms go down due to no power, I know that my trusty cellphone will still wake me up in time to go to work. Being a cellphone, it sets its time automatically to the servers, so it always shows the right time. And if it is plugged into A/C power, when the power goes down? It still works since it runs off of its battery. You can use your regular cellphone in this regard as well, but sometimes you do not want to always keep your cellphone in your bedroom while you sleep.

Timer

Most cellphones have a built-in timer. This is great if you are cooking something. Just set the timer on the old cell and place it on the counter (or take it with you for a very handy mobile reminder. When not in use, old faithful can sit in a drawer, ready for service.

Calculator

Ever need to do some quick math and not remember where you placed that calculator? Well, if you have a charged cellphone around—there is your calculator.

Recycle it

Cellphones contain harmful chemical and compounds inside of them. If thrown away, those chemicals go either into a landfill and can wind up leeching those poisons into the environment, or if incinerated, those toxins can go into the air we breathe. Neither option is cool. There are numerous free options available that are both good for the environment and good for the world.

Staples

Take your old cellphones and/or charges to your local Staples store. They will accept it regardless of where you originally purchased the phone. This is a free service that the fine folks at Staples provide.

Troops

Donate your used cellphones to those brave men and women who serve in our armed forces.

Recycle

Send your cellphone to these fine folks and they will take care of it for you. If it is operable, they will resell it. If not, they will recycle those parts that are working into making other working cellphones. If it cannot be recycled, they will ensure that it is disposed of properly.

I am certain that there are many other uses for old cellphones. If you think of one that you would like to share, just write it down in the comments. If this article is revised later, and your ideas are incorporated into the revision, I will be sure to give you the credit.

Kaspersky woes

Earlier this month I purchased a new laptop at BestBuy.


The screen on my previous laptop was broken due to my own stupidity. I tried to repair it myself, but I purchased the wrong replacement screen from a company in Vancouver, BC. I just set the laptop aside and didn’t get back to it. Other than the broken screen it works great.

Due to procrastination, I never did get the screen exchanged for the correct one, so I’ve been laptopless for the past six months.

The laptop that I bought is a Toshiba Satellite L775D. It is a good laptop for a good price at BestBuy.

The only complaint that I have with it is not the laptop itself, but rather the deceptive promise that the BestBuy associate made. Attached to the laptop was an install CD for Kaspersky Anti-Virus. When I asked him about this, he said that the laptop came with a one-year subscription to the anti-virus of my choice. I had the choices of Kaspersky, TrendMicro, and Norton. I opted for Kaspersky.

The first “surprise” was that the “free” subscription was only for six months—not one year. I had wanted to get AVG Anti-virus, but that was not one of the options.

The second “surprise” was how many times Kaspersky gives me false-positive results. These are irritating. Every time I open Firefox, for instance, it gives me a warning message that a malware program also exhibits similar properties. For just about every program I install, the “K” gives me some sort of warning message.

This is unacceptable to me. I only want a warning message if there is actually a threat to worry about. I know that there are hosts of malware out there that masquerade as something else. But please, only tell me about it if it is the actual malware. Useless pop-ups just create a source of aggravation.

For me, it is time to uninstall the “K” and switch to either AVG Free or Microsoft Security Essentials (at this point, I’m not sure which I will decide upon).

Goodbye Windows 7

The time has finally come for me to retire my reliance on Windows. Not that Windows is a bad operating system--I've used it since Windows 3.1--and every iteration in between (with the exception of not using Windows NT until the 4.0 version. In between then and now, I've also tried some other, commercial, non-Microsoft OSes along the way. The first was OS/2 version 3.0. Personally I liked OS/2. The day I decided to upgrade my computer, I went to Best Buy in my hometown and bought OS/2 Warp 4.0. While in the parking lot, I changed my mind and was able to return it (seeing that it had not been opened) and I exchanged it for the brand new Windows 95. I never regretted that decision.
Later, at the end of the 20th century, I bought an operating system called "BeOS." It was made with modern computers in mind. Since it was new, it did not need to be backward compatible with previous versions.
Originally the folks at BeOS made their operating system to be compatible with the Macintosh Power-PC architecture. Until a few years ago, I never owned a Mac, so I got the Intel-compatible version of BeOS (though I've always built my computers with AMD processors).
BeOS was technologically superior to any other OS out there--it just never got the market share. There was an office suite that was native to it--but it was too expensive for most enthusiasts. At that time, Linux wasn't ready for prime time. I purchased both the commercial versions of Red Hat Desktop and a German distribution called SUSE.
Fast-forward 12 years.
Linux has come a long way. I have tried many different distributions, and the one that I find that I like the best is called “Ultimate Edition 2.7.”
It is based upon the latest version of Ubuntu and it is very polished and very mature. Everything just seems to work in it.
One frustration that I have had with my laptop is with distributions based upon Linux distros that use the Red Hat Pack Manager solution for software installation.
I have tried Fedora (open source desktop project of Red Hat), Mandriva, and OpenSuse, and none of them work with my wireless network card. Everything appears to work, but no packets are exchanged between my router and my computer. I can even ping websites, but cannot get the web pages to load. I even opened my home network entirely and it still would not work.
But distributions based up the Debian .deb package management system appear to work flawlessly.
So far I have had zero trouble with making the switch to Linux. The only thing I haven't been able to get working is DVD ripping. So for now Windows Vista is on my desktop and DVDShrink & DVDDecrypter are working well over there. If I can get open source software working to do this, I think my desktop may get an Open-Suse makeover.
I'm so confident this time that I sold my copy of Windows 7 Ultimate on eBay.
Wish me luck.

Really should....

I really should update this more often. I can use it in conjunction with Facebook, but I keep forgetting.

Groundhog Day

Today is Groundhog Day. It is also my 2nd wedding anniversary.
My wife, Pamela, and I, were originally married January 12, 1985. Due to various things, we were divorced on November 9, 2007. Realizing that we made a mistake, we got back together and remarried on Groundhog Day 2008.

This day is so special because it is a silly holiday that hasn't been commercialized, except for perhaps in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania.

Update

New job is going well. The only problem is that my days and nights are all messed up. It is almost noon and I want to take a nap.

A New Job

Yesterday afternoon I was called by a recruiter at TEK Systems here in Bentonville and she asked me if I could start working tonight (this was Wednesday afternoon).
I went to her office and filled out some paperwork, and started working at R&R Solutions in Gravette, Arkansas. The position is helping their technicians with their jobs. I went in at 7 PM Wednesday night and left to go home a little after 4 AM. My normal shift will be 10PM to 5AM Sunday thru Thursday. The only problem is that now (6:40 AM) I'm tired, but not sleepy. I think I partook of too much caffeine last night.
I just thought I'd write this brief note to update those who care.
Thanks to all of you for your concern and prayers.
Mark

Rain, rain, rain

I really love rain. I love rainy days and days that are grey and overcast.
After having lived in the desert for six years (Phoenix, AZ), I don't think I will ever be tired of the life-giving rain falling down.

I have always loved water and being around it. Growing up, the Black River, in Elyria, Ohio, was just about six houses away from my house. After I endured six weeks of basic training at Lackland Air Force Base, in San Antonio, Texas, I was stationed in Biloxi, Mississippi for 5½ months. Biloxi is located on the Gulf of Mexico. The first time I left Keesler AFB in a taxi to pick up my car rental, I thought I had died and gone to heaven! Blue skies, green water, white sand beaches (imported from Florida), and beautiful palm trees overhanging the road.
After that lovely spot, I lived in Northern Japan for the next four years.
Originally we lived about two miles from the Pacific Ocean. I used to go to the beach and just listen to the waves coming in. It was so majestic and so relaxing. Later, we moved onto base housing on the 8^th floor of a 9-story apartment building and had a wonderful view of Lake Ogawara.

Living now in Arkansas (first NW Arkansas, and now West Central Arkansas), there are no large bodies of water. There are lots of small bodies, and the Arkansas River flows just a few miles away. Because of all of the rain we receive, everything is green and lush.

It's been awhile...

Wow! It has been a long time since I've last posted on here. So much has changed since 9/1/08.
I have moved twice, lost my job and am now on unemployment, I live with my sister and brother-in-law and I have a new love interest.
Check out this artist. The music is wonderful and the download is free & legal.
Ciao.
Mark

Unbridled bliss

Right now I'm on cloud 9. God is in his heave and all is right with the world!

Debating

I am really starting to debate whether this "openness" is really worth it. I think that perhaps I am trying to develop friendships too fast, trying to compress years of time into days, distilling all the BS in the middle. I don't know. I am really starting to debate being so unreserved with people--just sharing whatever is in my heart. It seems that the general reaction is at first welcome and then recoil, then attack. So far that scenario has played out twice so far in my friendships, first with Lyla and then with "Sally." Maybe it is a natural reaction? I don't know.
I've actually been thinking about quitting Second Life and maybe start writing. I want to make friends, but I don't know if it is worth the pain. At first I thought it was, but now, I'm not so sure.

What kind of nerd are you?

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Gamer/Computer Nerd You enjoy the visual stimulants of a video game, chatting on AIM, or reading online comics. Most of these types of nerds are considered dirty who lack hygeine, of course they always end up being the ones who make a crapload of money. And don't worry, that's just a stereotype; I'm not calling you dirty. ^_~
Science/Math Nerd
Literature Nerd
Social Nerd
Drama Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Musician
Anime Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

The graphics looked great in the preview. To see them clearly, got to my Yahoo! 360 page.

Belief-O-Matic

Belief-O-Matic

Your Results:

The top score on the list below represents the faith that Belief-O-Matic, in its less than infinite wisdom, thinks most closely matches your beliefs. However, even a score of 100% does not mean that your views are all shared by this faith, or vice versa.

Belief-O-Matic then lists another 26 faiths in order of how much they have in common with your professed beliefs. The higher a faith appears on this list, the more closely it aligns with your thinking.

How did the Belief-O-Matic do? Discuss your results on our message boards.

1. Orthodox Quaker (100%)
2. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (89%)
3. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (89%)
4. Seventh Day Adventist (87%)
5. Eastern Orthodox (87%)
6. Roman Catholic (87%)
7. Sikhism (73%)
8. Orthodox Judaism (73%)
9. Liberal Quakers (70%)
10. Hinduism (67%)
11. Bahá'í Faith (66%)
12. Islam (60%)
13. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (59%)
14. Reform Judaism (58%)
15. Unitarian Universalism (56%)
16. Jainism (49%)
17. Theravada Buddhism (45%)
18. Mahayana Buddhism (44%)
19. Taoism (39%)
20. Neo-Pagan (38%)
21. Jehovah's Witness (36%)
22. New Age (32%)
23. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (31%)
24. Secular Humanism (30%)
25. New Thought (26%)
26. Nontheist (25%)
27. Scientology (23%)
© 2000-2008 SelectSmart.com®. All rights reserved. Licensed by Beliefnet from SelectSmart.com®

Middle of my weekend

I had a great night last night in Second Life. I DJed at 2 different venues. The first 2 hours was lounge/jazz music, the other 2 hours were classics from the 70s & 80s (non-disco). We made it none disco because we already have a disco night once a month. I then hung out with some friends for awhile and then would up going back to my sim, getting to know the place and to meet the owners.

Unlike my last place, called "NUDISM," where no one but me went naked, this sim, one is required to be naked on the sim. The only exceptions are the landing area, which is a small room where you can slip out of your things, or in your apartment. So if I want to try on new clothes or make an outfit, I either do it in my apartment or I can go to a friend's place.

Later, my dear friend Opal stopped by. She loves nature and animals. She is from Sweden. She is not a nudist, per se. She lives in a very secluded area in the forest on a lake in Sweden, so she and her boyfriend seldom wear clothes when they are there in the summer. They take long walks in the woods together, swim, and have a great time--all nude. But in Sweden, even if they ran into someone in the woods, or elsewhere, their being nude would be no big deal. They would probably stop and chat, and then move on. She doesn't consider herself a nudist because she only does it for comfort and she has no desire to be nude around other people. But she is very cool. When I told her that nudity was mandatory, she had no problems. She so looked like that she belonged there. She was like a diamond shining on black velvet. That is why the owners made the no clothing rule. They want people to experience nature as being a part of nature rather than being apart from nature.

猫

Nekos (neko is cat in Japanese) and furries are also welcome. I've never had any experience with nekos, but I did buy a tail and ears. I need someone to help me adjust the ears so they are in the correct position. A new friend I met today from the U.K. said that she would help me with it.

Her avatar is simply stunning! She has black skin with stripes on it. She has a tail and ears. Though she is nude, it would be a crime to put clothes on her body. She just seems to be part of the fauna. She said that she isn't black in real life (which does not matter at all) but she likes to play around with her look. We sat in her apartment and pet each other's tails and gave each other a massage. I find that so much more enjoyable than SL sex. There are lots of animations that simulate sex, but being together, nude, just talking or touching is so much more enjoyable for me. I want to make friends, even very close friends. If I want to masturbate, I can do that on my own. Personally I don't find SL avatars that attractive. Though they have gotten better since 2003.

If you want to see what the future holds for computer animation and crossing the uncanny valley, take a look at this.

Hint--she is not real.

The picture attached to this posting is of Opal. She is a beautiful person both inside and out.

But you know what? That is what is so cool about Second Life. When we meet someone in real life, our very first impression is that of what they look like--what they are wearing, their hair, if they are a woman, their makeup. But in SL, that is all removed. As long as you get it straight in your mind that those cute little cartoon figures are not really who you are talking to, you'll be okay.

In SL, you have no idea what that person looks like. Even if they've shared a 1st life picture, you have no way of knowing if that is them, or not. If you don't use voice, you might not even know if it were a man or a woman running the avatar. But all of that does not matter because you see their heart and their mind long before you see them. So you can wind up becoming great friends with a person who if you met them in real life for the first time, rather than in Second Life, you might have dismissed them and lost out on a beautiful friendship. I cherish the friendships I make in SL.

One of those friendships is with a woman named Lisa. She is happily married, super smart (she holds a Master's Degree, many other degrees, and loads of certifications. She teaches computer networking at a college level. She has so many certifications that begin with the letter "C" that I teased her that we should call her Lisa Cisco. I have absolutely no problem being out-geeked by a woman. I love that I can talk tech with her and she knows exactly what I'm saying. Plus, I can pick her brain and learn from her. But I digress.

We talked. I told her that my goal was to be down to my ideal weight (around 200 lbs.) by the summer of 2010. That summer I hoped to go to a nude beach for a day. She said, "Why just a day? Why not a week?" I thought about it, and being at the same beach for 1 week sounded like it would get a bit old after awhile. We talked and we've made tentative plans for, as it stands now, she, her husband, and I to meet at the Hedonism II Resort in Jamaica for a week worth of fun. We're going to get naked together, play together, dance together, et cetera. We are both getting very excited and it is a great motivator. I've always wanted to go to Hedonism Resorts from the first time that I heard about them. It would be so cool to have sex with other people around watching. I could probably cross a dozen things off of my bucket list before I left for the week. I told her that before we went we would need to work on our tans so that we don't litterally burn our butts. She said it wasn't a problem for her--she just gets brown in the summer and never burns. Plus she said that if she wants to she can always go outside her home and sunbathe in the nude there. I cannot and I do burn easily at the beginning of summer, so I am going to have to either make some temporary privacy walls in my backyard, or go to a place with tanning booths so that when I get there I would already have no tan lines and I could get to the business of having fun rather than being burned and miserable for a few days. Sometimes they have nude day cruises that leave the resort and go out to sea and maybe stop at an island. That would be so cool--being nude and having absolutely no clothing to worry about and going on a trip that way. I can hardly wait!

On a side note, ever since I came back from the store at 1:30 AM I have been nude. I need to go to bed soon. I am curious how long I can stay nude without having to get dressed. Before, when it was just me and Pixy, I couldn't really do that because I had to let Pixy out multiple times to do her business. But now that Pam is here, she can let her out and watch her. And after the sun goes down, I don't hesitate to go out on my back deck nude. It is very dark back there and no one can see me. Years ago I used to have an exhibitionist streak in me and I got aroused by the thought of being caught being naked outside. Any more, the thought has no arousal power whatsoever. I don't want to upset my neighbors and if someone sees me, or not, is okay with me. I just don't want to go to jail for it. Here in Arkansas (still in the Bible Belt) even advocating nudity is a crime. If you were actually caught being nude outside?--they would probably register you as a sex offender.

That is all for now. I was just going to post a quick note, but I guess I had more to say.

I don't think anyone ever reads these anyway, it is just my way of saying to the world, "Hey, I'm here and I'm starting to have fun."

I wish you all joy.

Mark

To Thine Own Self Be True

To thine own self be true

“This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man. “ Polonius Hamlet Act 1, scene 3

Most people are familiar with the quote above. My mom had a more colorful was of putting it. “Lie to the world, but don't lie to yourself.”

Though not as poetic as the Bard, the thought is the same. And so from an early age I have been very introspective, reflecting on my thoughts feelings, actions, motivations.

From a very early age I put a wall up and wouldn't let anyone in. I know how it started. I was beaten with a belt by my mom who was punishing me for something I didn't do (well actually, I did do it, but the girl did ask me to chase her). I was horrified at the evil I saw on my mom's face. I guess in a way, it broke my spirit. From that time on, when I would get out of the door in elementary school, there would be a group of kids waiting there to hit, kick, punch, or spit at me. I am pretty sure this is why I never allowed anyone in. In junior high school, I had one friend, Scott Thomas. I would go over his house every day before school (the school was in his back yard) and after school we would go back to his house and hang out in his bedroom. We would discuss Tolkien and just basically have a good time together.

Fast forward to present day...

Since I decided to pull my walls down and let people see the real me, to open myself up to love, friendship, hurt, and the like, I find that I am more intense than is “normal,” and that that might scare people. It is not that I'm a scary person, it is just I am so excited about getting to know new people and to find out their hopes, fears, problems, joys, struggles, that I find that I am taking things too fast for most people's comfort.

The other day I had such a sense of love well up inside of me that I thought it was a different kind of love. It was in the sense that it was not a sensual or erotic, or “you have to be mine” kind of love. What it really was was love, and I haven't felt that for a long, long time. I am pretty sure that I shut down to that feeling in 1992, and it has just now come back. That is sixteen years of living in an emotional desert. So feeling love well up inside me again was like a resurrection plant finally getting the water it needs. A resurrection plant looks dead. It is dry and lifeless. It often times is like a tumbleweed. But it is not really dead—it is just in hibernation until it gets water again. Then it appears to come back to life, turning green and beautiful again (hence, resurrection). Then when it no longer has water, it shrivels back up again, pulls up its roots, and stays sleeping until the next water.

I really felt for a long time that I was dead inside. It did not help that I was diagnosed with major depression in 1999, my wife almost dying that year on 9/9/99, and a host of other things.

I write this down and blog it more for my own sense of straightening out my own thoughts within my head, than to inform anybody of what is happening in my life. I know no one reads my blog. I think I am the only one who has ever read it. That is okay, though. Since my wife could not have children, I have no children. Now that our marriage has ended and then been remade in a new shape, I really don't have hope of every having any offspring. What young woman of child-bearing years would want on old fart like me?

My hope is that maybe someday, someone will come across a stone that says, “Here lies Mark R. Myers” and wonder, “I wonder who he was, what his thoughts were, what he was like.” By that time this record would instantly come up in his heads up display that is projected in his mind, and then he will know that I was a person, just like him. Who had hopes and dreams and fears. Maybe, just maybe, my words will live past me, into the future. I don't have anything my father ever wrote. My mother wrote me a poem for my twelfth birthday. At the time I didn't think a whole lot of it. Now I would give nearly anything to have that back, to read her handwriting one more time. I can remember her face, but I don't remember her voice any more. I have very few pictures since I moved around so much. I believe many of my pictures are in storage at my brother-in-law's house in Ohio. I used to love photography. That was until our house was broken into in Phoenix and both of my cameras were stolen. They were conveniently in a camera bag, which made for easy removal. In 1999 my wife bought me a 1.3 megapixel camera for my birthday. I believe it was $199, an HP Photosmart camera. It eats AA batteries for lunch. It burns through them like they were M&Ms at a children's party even when the camera is switch off. It takes pictures at 1280x1024 resolution, but then they don't look very good until they are scrunched down to 1024x768. I learned photography with 35mm film and single lens reflex cameras. My good friend, Ted Black, wants to be a professional photographer. He does some nice work. He keeps encouraging me to get back into it, but 1.3 megapixels is nothing now a-days. I think my webcam on my computer does that. I've known Ted since high school (he used to bum cigarettes off of me) and we became good friends in college. I've know Ted for 28 years now, and we are still good friends. I am fortunate that he works the night shift as a manager of a hotel in St. Ignace, Michigan. He works Friday thru Tuseday, so we share about the same schedule, so we talk in the middle of the night when everyone is sleeping.

In closing, I realize that I have been starting new relationships with people at too high of a temperature, as it were. I don't want people to get burned. I met one of my neighbors at the nudist sim where I live. I was tired when we met. We sat down and talked in her hot tub, she and I on either side of it on the edge. We had a good time but because I was tired I didn't have the normal intensity that I have had recently. I think that friendship may develop. I guess I just need to slow down a little. My landlord literally dropped in (he was 500 meters above us on a skypad) and get gave she and I a lesson on building things in Second Life. I want to be more creative. I am hoping I haven't scared my good friend away who is a designer and I promised to work with her to help with her designs and marketing. If I did, then I lost something very special.

Well young man looking at my grave in 2110, that is all for now.

What I am like?

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?