Unbridled bliss

Right now I'm on cloud 9. God is in his heave and all is right with the world!

Debating

I am really starting to debate whether this "openness" is really worth it. I think that perhaps I am trying to develop friendships too fast, trying to compress years of time into days, distilling all the BS in the middle. I don't know. I am really starting to debate being so unreserved with people--just sharing whatever is in my heart. It seems that the general reaction is at first welcome and then recoil, then attack. So far that scenario has played out twice so far in my friendships, first with Lyla and then with "Sally." Maybe it is a natural reaction? I don't know.
I've actually been thinking about quitting Second Life and maybe start writing. I want to make friends, but I don't know if it is worth the pain. At first I thought it was, but now, I'm not so sure.

What kind of nerd are you?

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Gamer/Computer Nerd You enjoy the visual stimulants of a video game, chatting on AIM, or reading online comics. Most of these types of nerds are considered dirty who lack hygeine, of course they always end up being the ones who make a crapload of money. And don't worry, that's just a stereotype; I'm not calling you dirty. ^_~
Science/Math Nerd
Literature Nerd
Social Nerd
Drama Nerd
Artistic Nerd
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Anime Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

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Belief-O-Matic

Belief-O-Matic

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1. Orthodox Quaker (100%)
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22. New Age (32%)
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25. New Thought (26%)
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Middle of my weekend

I had a great night last night in Second Life. I DJed at 2 different venues. The first 2 hours was lounge/jazz music, the other 2 hours were classics from the 70s & 80s (non-disco). We made it none disco because we already have a disco night once a month. I then hung out with some friends for awhile and then would up going back to my sim, getting to know the place and to meet the owners.

Unlike my last place, called "NUDISM," where no one but me went naked, this sim, one is required to be naked on the sim. The only exceptions are the landing area, which is a small room where you can slip out of your things, or in your apartment. So if I want to try on new clothes or make an outfit, I either do it in my apartment or I can go to a friend's place.

Later, my dear friend Opal stopped by. She loves nature and animals. She is from Sweden. She is not a nudist, per se. She lives in a very secluded area in the forest on a lake in Sweden, so she and her boyfriend seldom wear clothes when they are there in the summer. They take long walks in the woods together, swim, and have a great time--all nude. But in Sweden, even if they ran into someone in the woods, or elsewhere, their being nude would be no big deal. They would probably stop and chat, and then move on. She doesn't consider herself a nudist because she only does it for comfort and she has no desire to be nude around other people. But she is very cool. When I told her that nudity was mandatory, she had no problems. She so looked like that she belonged there. She was like a diamond shining on black velvet. That is why the owners made the no clothing rule. They want people to experience nature as being a part of nature rather than being apart from nature.

猫

Nekos (neko is cat in Japanese) and furries are also welcome. I've never had any experience with nekos, but I did buy a tail and ears. I need someone to help me adjust the ears so they are in the correct position. A new friend I met today from the U.K. said that she would help me with it.

Her avatar is simply stunning! She has black skin with stripes on it. She has a tail and ears. Though she is nude, it would be a crime to put clothes on her body. She just seems to be part of the fauna. She said that she isn't black in real life (which does not matter at all) but she likes to play around with her look. We sat in her apartment and pet each other's tails and gave each other a massage. I find that so much more enjoyable than SL sex. There are lots of animations that simulate sex, but being together, nude, just talking or touching is so much more enjoyable for me. I want to make friends, even very close friends. If I want to masturbate, I can do that on my own. Personally I don't find SL avatars that attractive. Though they have gotten better since 2003.

If you want to see what the future holds for computer animation and crossing the uncanny valley, take a look at this.

Hint--she is not real.

The picture attached to this posting is of Opal. She is a beautiful person both inside and out.

But you know what? That is what is so cool about Second Life. When we meet someone in real life, our very first impression is that of what they look like--what they are wearing, their hair, if they are a woman, their makeup. But in SL, that is all removed. As long as you get it straight in your mind that those cute little cartoon figures are not really who you are talking to, you'll be okay.

In SL, you have no idea what that person looks like. Even if they've shared a 1st life picture, you have no way of knowing if that is them, or not. If you don't use voice, you might not even know if it were a man or a woman running the avatar. But all of that does not matter because you see their heart and their mind long before you see them. So you can wind up becoming great friends with a person who if you met them in real life for the first time, rather than in Second Life, you might have dismissed them and lost out on a beautiful friendship. I cherish the friendships I make in SL.

One of those friendships is with a woman named Lisa. She is happily married, super smart (she holds a Master's Degree, many other degrees, and loads of certifications. She teaches computer networking at a college level. She has so many certifications that begin with the letter "C" that I teased her that we should call her Lisa Cisco. I have absolutely no problem being out-geeked by a woman. I love that I can talk tech with her and she knows exactly what I'm saying. Plus, I can pick her brain and learn from her. But I digress.

We talked. I told her that my goal was to be down to my ideal weight (around 200 lbs.) by the summer of 2010. That summer I hoped to go to a nude beach for a day. She said, "Why just a day? Why not a week?" I thought about it, and being at the same beach for 1 week sounded like it would get a bit old after awhile. We talked and we've made tentative plans for, as it stands now, she, her husband, and I to meet at the Hedonism II Resort in Jamaica for a week worth of fun. We're going to get naked together, play together, dance together, et cetera. We are both getting very excited and it is a great motivator. I've always wanted to go to Hedonism Resorts from the first time that I heard about them. It would be so cool to have sex with other people around watching. I could probably cross a dozen things off of my bucket list before I left for the week. I told her that before we went we would need to work on our tans so that we don't litterally burn our butts. She said it wasn't a problem for her--she just gets brown in the summer and never burns. Plus she said that if she wants to she can always go outside her home and sunbathe in the nude there. I cannot and I do burn easily at the beginning of summer, so I am going to have to either make some temporary privacy walls in my backyard, or go to a place with tanning booths so that when I get there I would already have no tan lines and I could get to the business of having fun rather than being burned and miserable for a few days. Sometimes they have nude day cruises that leave the resort and go out to sea and maybe stop at an island. That would be so cool--being nude and having absolutely no clothing to worry about and going on a trip that way. I can hardly wait!

On a side note, ever since I came back from the store at 1:30 AM I have been nude. I need to go to bed soon. I am curious how long I can stay nude without having to get dressed. Before, when it was just me and Pixy, I couldn't really do that because I had to let Pixy out multiple times to do her business. But now that Pam is here, she can let her out and watch her. And after the sun goes down, I don't hesitate to go out on my back deck nude. It is very dark back there and no one can see me. Years ago I used to have an exhibitionist streak in me and I got aroused by the thought of being caught being naked outside. Any more, the thought has no arousal power whatsoever. I don't want to upset my neighbors and if someone sees me, or not, is okay with me. I just don't want to go to jail for it. Here in Arkansas (still in the Bible Belt) even advocating nudity is a crime. If you were actually caught being nude outside?--they would probably register you as a sex offender.

That is all for now. I was just going to post a quick note, but I guess I had more to say.

I don't think anyone ever reads these anyway, it is just my way of saying to the world, "Hey, I'm here and I'm starting to have fun."

I wish you all joy.

Mark

To Thine Own Self Be True

To thine own self be true

“This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man. “ Polonius Hamlet Act 1, scene 3

Most people are familiar with the quote above. My mom had a more colorful was of putting it. “Lie to the world, but don't lie to yourself.”

Though not as poetic as the Bard, the thought is the same. And so from an early age I have been very introspective, reflecting on my thoughts feelings, actions, motivations.

From a very early age I put a wall up and wouldn't let anyone in. I know how it started. I was beaten with a belt by my mom who was punishing me for something I didn't do (well actually, I did do it, but the girl did ask me to chase her). I was horrified at the evil I saw on my mom's face. I guess in a way, it broke my spirit. From that time on, when I would get out of the door in elementary school, there would be a group of kids waiting there to hit, kick, punch, or spit at me. I am pretty sure this is why I never allowed anyone in. In junior high school, I had one friend, Scott Thomas. I would go over his house every day before school (the school was in his back yard) and after school we would go back to his house and hang out in his bedroom. We would discuss Tolkien and just basically have a good time together.

Fast forward to present day...

Since I decided to pull my walls down and let people see the real me, to open myself up to love, friendship, hurt, and the like, I find that I am more intense than is “normal,” and that that might scare people. It is not that I'm a scary person, it is just I am so excited about getting to know new people and to find out their hopes, fears, problems, joys, struggles, that I find that I am taking things too fast for most people's comfort.

The other day I had such a sense of love well up inside of me that I thought it was a different kind of love. It was in the sense that it was not a sensual or erotic, or “you have to be mine” kind of love. What it really was was love, and I haven't felt that for a long, long time. I am pretty sure that I shut down to that feeling in 1992, and it has just now come back. That is sixteen years of living in an emotional desert. So feeling love well up inside me again was like a resurrection plant finally getting the water it needs. A resurrection plant looks dead. It is dry and lifeless. It often times is like a tumbleweed. But it is not really dead—it is just in hibernation until it gets water again. Then it appears to come back to life, turning green and beautiful again (hence, resurrection). Then when it no longer has water, it shrivels back up again, pulls up its roots, and stays sleeping until the next water.

I really felt for a long time that I was dead inside. It did not help that I was diagnosed with major depression in 1999, my wife almost dying that year on 9/9/99, and a host of other things.

I write this down and blog it more for my own sense of straightening out my own thoughts within my head, than to inform anybody of what is happening in my life. I know no one reads my blog. I think I am the only one who has ever read it. That is okay, though. Since my wife could not have children, I have no children. Now that our marriage has ended and then been remade in a new shape, I really don't have hope of every having any offspring. What young woman of child-bearing years would want on old fart like me?

My hope is that maybe someday, someone will come across a stone that says, “Here lies Mark R. Myers” and wonder, “I wonder who he was, what his thoughts were, what he was like.” By that time this record would instantly come up in his heads up display that is projected in his mind, and then he will know that I was a person, just like him. Who had hopes and dreams and fears. Maybe, just maybe, my words will live past me, into the future. I don't have anything my father ever wrote. My mother wrote me a poem for my twelfth birthday. At the time I didn't think a whole lot of it. Now I would give nearly anything to have that back, to read her handwriting one more time. I can remember her face, but I don't remember her voice any more. I have very few pictures since I moved around so much. I believe many of my pictures are in storage at my brother-in-law's house in Ohio. I used to love photography. That was until our house was broken into in Phoenix and both of my cameras were stolen. They were conveniently in a camera bag, which made for easy removal. In 1999 my wife bought me a 1.3 megapixel camera for my birthday. I believe it was $199, an HP Photosmart camera. It eats AA batteries for lunch. It burns through them like they were M&Ms at a children's party even when the camera is switch off. It takes pictures at 1280x1024 resolution, but then they don't look very good until they are scrunched down to 1024x768. I learned photography with 35mm film and single lens reflex cameras. My good friend, Ted Black, wants to be a professional photographer. He does some nice work. He keeps encouraging me to get back into it, but 1.3 megapixels is nothing now a-days. I think my webcam on my computer does that. I've known Ted since high school (he used to bum cigarettes off of me) and we became good friends in college. I've know Ted for 28 years now, and we are still good friends. I am fortunate that he works the night shift as a manager of a hotel in St. Ignace, Michigan. He works Friday thru Tuseday, so we share about the same schedule, so we talk in the middle of the night when everyone is sleeping.

In closing, I realize that I have been starting new relationships with people at too high of a temperature, as it were. I don't want people to get burned. I met one of my neighbors at the nudist sim where I live. I was tired when we met. We sat down and talked in her hot tub, she and I on either side of it on the edge. We had a good time but because I was tired I didn't have the normal intensity that I have had recently. I think that friendship may develop. I guess I just need to slow down a little. My landlord literally dropped in (he was 500 meters above us on a skypad) and get gave she and I a lesson on building things in Second Life. I want to be more creative. I am hoping I haven't scared my good friend away who is a designer and I promised to work with her to help with her designs and marketing. If I did, then I lost something very special.

Well young man looking at my grave in 2110, that is all for now.

What I am like?

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Wow, drama!

Boy, there was a lot of drama in Second Life tonight. I checked to see if it was a new moon, but it was not. Tonight it was a waning crescent moon.
First this "friend" started attacking my wife, first at the place she works, and then took it to the place I work. I tried to ignore it, but it was difficult. I finally placed this "friend" on mute. This friend has since written and apologized to us and said that she is leaving SL and uninstalled the software from her computer.
Then, the assistant manager (known hereafter as "ass") of the place that I work, started harping on what my best friend (hereafter known as BFF) was wearing. The theme of my show is romantic, sexy music, and the name of the show is Foreplay. I got involved because she is such a good friend and I know what the ass was saying was hurting her. Then the the ass started laying into me, and I wouldn't back down. This got the ass boiling mad. Then our manager got involved. The ass called my BFF sleezy, which she is anything but. Her outfit was provocative, but the gig was supposed to be provacative. My BFF put on a long skirt, and this appeased the ass as far as BFF was concerned, but the ass & I kept locking horns. Finally I put her on mute as well. Later I talked to my manager (she is a sweet lady) and told her that I was quitting the club, that I had another job. I told her that I could not work with the ass again. I told my manager that I would continue to work at the club until they find a replacement DJ. I hope they find one soon.
If this works correctly, I am not sure if blogspot will put this at the top or bottom of this post, should be a picture. It is my avatar dancing with my BFF. She is a lovely person in every sense of the word.

Second Life

I have been very active in Second Life for a few weeks now (maybe 6) and I've been having a great time. I have been DJing at various venues and meeting fantastic people.
I have made quite a few friends and it is really interesting in how much one opens up to another. I have told a few people things about myself, or aspects of my life, that I haven't told even my best friend in real life.
I have found that so far, almost all of my friends have been women. I think they are:

• Easier to meet. It is quite normal to ask a woman to dance with you at a club. I have never walked up to a male avatar and asked him to dance with me. I have danced with males before. One time this guy was away from his keyboard (AFK) and his date left. So his avatar was just standing there, looking silly. So I joined him. We danced and he carried me in his arms. I was laughing so hard I almost hurt myself.
• Easier to talk to. Within a couple of minutes I can start talking to a woman about things that really matter to her, what her expectations are in SL, and how she likes to have fun. Many guys that I have met have been rather superficial. I don't think it is because they can't hold an intelligent conversation or open up about their thoughts and feelings. I think it is because they are afraid to. Afraid to open up to another man. "Maybe people will think I'm gay," might be the thought going through their minds. So far I have not met or had sex with any person in SL in the real world, and don't have plans to do it any time soon. There are some dear friends that I love, and someday would like to meet them face to face and give them an actual hug, but not now.
• Women are more outgoing with their feelings. I have met a few that are very reserved about letting you see who they really are on the inside, but not many. And if they let me talk to them for any period of time, they usually warm up when they realize that I am a loving, kind-hearted, and caring man.
  

I am finding that my capacity to love and care grows daily. I really care for my new friends and want the best for them. I care about their medical problems, their relationships, the hopes, dreams, fears. In short, I love them. Not in any kind of sexual way, but love them, one soul to the other.
Tonight I am DJing 11 PM to 1 AM Central time. I've been asked to DJ a country hoedown at 8, but I don't think I have any hoedown music. It has been so long since I've been to a hoedown that I don't know what to play. I've got an album of European, techno hoedown music (Rednex - Sex And Violins), but that is about it. I love most country music and can easily DJ country, but I'll need to get clarification on what they want regarding a hoedown. Plus, my late Friday night show is very special. I take time and thought into preparing what I am going to play. The thought of sitting at my desktop computer for 4 hours DJing doesn't sound nice. I have a bad back and after awhile it starts really hurting my back. Most of the time I use my IBM ThinkPad laptop wirelessly from my living room. It is not as powerful as my desktop, which is not powerful at all by today's standards, but it is portable. If I want to I can carry it around with me and even take it to the bathroom if I am watching something and don't want to pause it. It is very light and portable. It was one of my best purchasing decisions. I bought it on eBay and have not had one moment of trouble with it.
I've got to go. I think my Second Life is calling me.

Rhapsody

I really like the Rhapsody music service. It gives one a way to experience new music that one might not be exposed to any other way. I live in Northwest Arkansas. Our music choices are fairly limited here. It is mostly country and classic rock. We have a National Public Radio station through the University of Arkansas and some stations that cater to Christians and Hispanics, but that is about it. When I lived in Northern Ohio I loved listening to The Wave and for the six years that I lived in Phoenix, AZ it was The Coyote that had my ears. But thanks to Rhapsody I can download whatever music I like, or want to sample, and listen to it wherever I like. I have an Archos 404 portable DVR (which I love) and it is compatible with the Rhapsody Digital Rights Management (DRM) protection scheme. It costs about the same amount as it would to purchase one CD a month. I actually purchase more music now than I used to back in the Napster days.

If you have a broadband Internet connection, I would heartily recommend giving Rhapsody a try. I believe they still give a 30-day free trial. If you are a Cox Communications customer, you can get their Cox Rhapsody service and the $14.95 a month is billed directly to your cable account.

Off to the Drive In

Well, at the last minute the wifey and I decided to go to the drive in. We were going to go to the Malco Cinema in Rogers to see the new Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. When we got to the theater, the parking lot was packed. Pamela cannot walk very far, and she didn't feel like walking, so we decided against it. After a couple of minutes, I suggest going to the drive in. The 112 Drive In Theater is just down the street from us. When I checked the listing, we were so pleased to see that the Prince Caspian movie was playing there as well. The cost is $11 per car, so we decided to take our beloved dachshund, Pixy, with us. She is part of the family too.

Before we went to the movies we went to Barnes & Noble to just look around and browse. Though I know Amazon has better prices, I like taking a few books or magazines, getting a cup a joe, and perusing for a bit. While I was perusing, I was listening to the new Frank Sinatra album, Nothing But The Best. It was released on the 10^th anniversary of Frank's death. It is a great album. I was very surprised when I was in the music section of the store and a young woman, maybe 19 years old, was singing along. How cool!

DirecTV junk mail

May 12, 2008

DirecTV,

Please remove me from your mailing list. A few months back I was looking to make the change from Cox cable to satellite TV. When I lived in Phoenix, AZ, I also had to put up with Cox Communications, so I had Dish Network service for two years.

After I got settled here in Northwest Arkansas and got tired of Cox, I was thinking about going back to satellite TV again. My sister, Melanie ********* has been a loyal DirecTV customer for many years and highly recommended that I go with your company.

When I called to place my order, the sales representative was initially helpful, but after taking my information, she came back on the line stating that I could not get DirecTV. She said I did not qualify for leasing the equipment, that I would have to pay $199 per receiver, and have to pay a $500 deposit (or something to that effect) before I could receive any DirecTV services.

Needless to say, I was dumbfounded. I told her that I did not want the service at that cost and the call ended. After that I started receiving sale advertizing in the mail advertizing all of the wonderful deals that I could have with DirecTV. But I remember my telephone conversation and realize that this is just junk that I did not ask for that I know have to place in my trash.

So please, either make good on your advertizing or remove me from your mailing list.

This letter, in slightly edited form, will also appear on my blog.

Sincerely,

 

Mark R. Myers

http://mark-myers.blogspot.com/

 

Very humid

It's very humid tonight. I'm not crazy about high humidity, though it does help my sinuses. Having lived in Phoenix for six years, I guess I'm just not used to humidity.
I've got to get ready for work now. Another fun night doing technical support for Wal-mart.
Mark

My Life Bits

The one thing that I think about looking at all of this is intellectual property (IP). Having a record of such things in one's mind is one thing. Having them in electronic format where they can be transmitted is entirely different. I think most people's lives are quite boring, as a whole. Why would we want to store countless terabytes of banality?